Bush Declares War; Americans Rally Round their Commander in Chief
March 19, 2003. At approximately 10:15 p.m. Eastern time this evening, George W. Bush declared war on Iraq. As expected and predicted in the press, the nation rallied around their Commander in Chief.
One peace activist chirped, “Oh, yes, I traveled all over the country to participate in peace marches. I called my congressmen, handed out leaflets, made phone calls, you name it. But, the minute that our beloved great leader declared war on the nation of Iraq, I knew that I was wrong to want peace. I knew I had to rally around the President. If he wanted to destroy a war- and sanction-torn country for the sake of padding his own and his cronies' pockets by controlling that country's oil, then who was I to question it?”
Another offered similar sentiments. “I finally realized that the war on Iraq was only wrong until it started. Then, it automatically became right. Anyway, that's what they keep telling me in the media.”
A third peace activist also chimed in: “Before the war started, I was completely anti-Bush, which included being anti-war. I went vegan and started using wind power to power my home. Then, I joined Move On, A.N.S.W.E.R., Code Pink, the ACLU, and every other anti-war, anti-Bush organization I could find. I listened to www.wpfw.org online for 'Democracy now!' and 'Peacewatch.' I did everything I could to stop the war and stay abreast of alternative voices to corporate, embedded media. But, now that our beloved great leader has finally blessed us by declaring the wonderful God-approved war against the religious fundamentalist infidels, I'm so much happier. Now, all I listen to is Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly; all I read is the Washington Times and the Wall Street Journal. I'm a card-carrying Republican now, too. I've already arranged to sell the bicycle I've been commuting to work with for the past twelve years and bought me a big, fancy, fine Corinthian-leather-upholstered, twelve-cylinder, eight-mile-per-gallon SUV so I can drive that half mile in style. I've even set up an appointment for a full frontal lobotomy next Tuesday. So, now you can stop calling, threatening, and harassing me, right, Mr. Ashcroft?”
A self-satisfied Mr. Bush greeted these observers' sentiments warmly from his snug, cozy bunker several hundred yards below the Oval Office. “Of course, I knew that all Americans were in unanimous agreement with me from years before I was even elected to this great office. Heck, it's just that they weren't all admitting it yet for some strange reason I'm sure none of us will ever understand. But, if we weren't unanimous enough before, we sure are even more unanimous enough now. And I'm sure we can all agree on that.”