Entertainment Media Campaign to “Put Women in their Place” Going Nicely, Executives Say
September 15, 2003. In a brief report to stock holders and stake holders in commercial corporate media, industry representatives outlined the process and progress of the campaign to keep women under foot.
“It's a subtle and multi-pronged attack,” explained spokesman Dicksen Power, “but its main thrust is to reduce women to their anatomy. The ultimate goal is to ensure that no American ever mistakes a woman for being an actual person. Y'know, a person with a brain, abilities, needs, desires, or anything reasonable or rational like a man.”
When questioned about the strategies of the campaign, Mr. Power responded: “Let's begin at the most fundamental levels: the entertainment industry's standards. Of course, we men have written all the self-serving standards that keep our precious, dignified penises hidden from view while flaunting breasts and bushes all over movie and television screens. It's no secret that there are just as many male actors out there who would stoop to showing themselves off for publicity or money, but we who write the standards conscientiously protect these media gigolos from themselves. Instead, we enlist the cooperation of female actors who are happy to denigrate themselves for a few peanuts, if even that much, just to be in the limelight. This has the effect of teaching other would-be-uppity females that the only value they have is to show off and jiggle their privates for men to ogle.
“With that mentality in place, it becomes easier to sell people on the idea that a man, no matter how fat, bald, ugly, slovenly, and stupid, is entitled to have Pamela Lee Anderson fawning all over him. And, no matter how fat, bald, ugly, slovenly, and stupid a man is, Pamela Lee Anderson should be grateful to get him and subjugate herself to him in every way in her deserved desperation to keep him—they both know that, while he's a precious individual, she's interchangeable with the rest of the sluts out there. They also both know that, when he gets tired of her, all he has to do is trade her in for a new model. It's all about consumerism—a woman is a consumable, just like a brand of beer or a shiny new sportscar. Men, just pick out and buy what you want—it's yours. It's part of the American dream.
“To round this out, we have taken one of our favorite old keep-uppity-women-down campaigns and added a new twist. Everyone has seen the plethora of feminine itching, tampon, and sanitary napkin commercials that make the American airwaves great, but has the average American noticed just how prevalent those commercials have become? In the olden days of television, we would direct those embarrassing commercials toward the focus buying audience by showing them only when women of menstruating age were likely to watch. Ah, yes, we've joyfully wrecked the mood of many a teenage date in our day! We revel in humiliating each and every one of those sluts—with their complicity, of course. I mean, if women were smart enough to refuse to take part in our feminine product commercials, then our male chauvinist empire could never thrive. Oh, it would survive to some extent ... but could you really imagine MEN making all those wonderful tampon, sanitary napkin, and feminine itch advertisements? But I digress. As part of this campaign, we have expanded: now, we show Tampax and Kotex and other impure-icky-nasty-itchy-menstrual-product ads all day every day, especially when children are likely to watch. We want to get 'em while they're young, you see—teach 'em from the get-go that a woman is nothing more than a vagina ... a vagina that bleeds once a month. Every innocent little girl can look forward to bleeding in her underwear, and every innocent little boy can look forward to feeling superior because he never will bleed in his underwear ... unless he's Cartman from “South Park.” Of course, if society were intended to treat women like people, we could tone down the ads. We could be dignified about it and use the ads to promote which product has a discreet, convenient mail-order service or offers free shipping without making the usual big fuss about how much unrealistic blue liquid you can pour onto this one or absorb with that one. If society were intended to treat women like people, we'd know that women can figure out by word of mouth or experience which products work best for them without rubbing their noses in their anatomy all day every day. If society were intended to treat women like people, then we in all the media would treat women with equal dignity to men—perish the thought. But therein lies the real point of the whole campaign: society does not treat women like people, nor can it afford to. If we treated women like people, then we wouldn't be able to exploit them for our own sensationalist purposes, and we'd have to pay them a lot more than we do now. Can't have that, now, can we?
“But I've digressed again. In short, the campaign to keep women down is going rather well—better than expected, in some ways. For one, nobody in the American viewing public seems to have noticed the rampant manipulation—the types of shows, the types and numbers of commercials—going on around them. The average American seems totally blinded to the subtle-but-sure devolution going on around them. And that is exactly how we in big corporate entertainment and the religious right—and, therefore, the government—intend it. But it will take a while to engineer the shift in the social paradigm—we have a lot of damage to undo from the 1960s, 70s, and 80s. The next phase will largely be more of the same of what we're doing now: reintroducing more of the old shows, especially the old black-and-white programs that so lovingly treated women like the brainless empty vessels for men's seed they are. Yes, the American public can expect to see a lot more of the old demeaning shows in the future—and that saves on our expenses, as well. More for us rich white Christian men in the end, and that's just how we like it.”