The Scallion

Disclaimer: this online political & social satire webzine is not suitable for the decerebrate (translation: our illustrious bonehead, his benighted administration, neo-ultraconservative Republicans, rabid Catholics, sheep, or their sympathizers) or for readers under age 18. As satirists, we take no responsibility if what we say is dangerously close to the truth. If you're under 18, stop reading this NOW & go turn yourself in to your Mommy for a well-deserved spanking, you no-good little whelp.

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

Today's Highlights and Headlines from “Democracy Now!” ...

* Today's Top DN! Stories (http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=03/08/26/142218):
- U.S. Death Toll In Iraq Post-May 1 Surpasses Death Toll During Invasion
- Cheney Stonewalled Investigation into Administration's Energy Committee and Industry Interests
- Bush Launches New Iraq PR Campaign
- Fox Drops “Fair and Balanced” Suit Against Al Franken
- DNA Evidence Frees Man Wrongly Imprisoned for 17 Years

* White House Lied that NYC 9/11 Ground Zero Air Was Safe; Impact on Emergency Personnel, Workers, and Residents (http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=03/08/26/145232)

* Bush Waives Clean Air Regulations for Thousands of Industries and Refineries (http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=03/08/26/149202)

* Arnold the Actor or Arnold the Racist/Hate Groupie? (http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=03/08/26/1430228)

* 50 Years After CIA Overthrow of Democratically-Elected Iranian Leader (http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=03/08/25/1534210); the Life of that Leader, Dr. Mohammad Mossadegh (http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=03/08/25/1541251)

* Greg Palast Links Great Northeastern Blackout to Dim Bulb in White House; Other Bush Family Outrages (http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=03/08/22/1529206)

Fox News Committed to Helping Al Franken's New Book Sales

August 25, 2003. In a highly magnanimous move, Fox News has committed itself to promoting Al Franken's new book, “Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: a Fair and Balanced Look at the Right.” What's unusual about Fox's assistance is that, as a strongly right-wing institution, Fox would seem like an unlikely benefactor for Mr. Franken, an equally strong opposition commentator.

The beneficence comes via Fox 's lawsuit against Mr. Franken for using the phrase “fair and balanced” in his book title. Since Rupert Murdoch is unlikely to have patented that public domain phrase, it stands to reason that the only motivation for the lawsuit is to provide Mr. Franken with virtually unlimited valuable, free publicity to boost his book sales. Given Mr. Murdoch's reputation in many circles as an obscenely wealthy, greedy, money-grubbing, Orwellian, neo-ultraconservative bastard intent not only on Big Brother-like control of all Americans but also on purchasing every last media outlet in the world and eliminating all public fair use laws by charging a premium for any and all viewing rights, it indeed comes as a shock that he is so ready to lavish funds from his monetary hoard on legal fees necessary for the frivolous suit. While the frivolous suit has already been dismissed once—a ruling that counts in Mr. Franken's favor—Fox insists on further aiding Mr. Franken and his book sales by pursuing a frivolous appeal.

So far, the Fox News ploy has worked wonders: countless numbers of Americans who otherwise would have been unaware of the book are flocking to reserve themselves copies upon its release in mid-late September 2003. As for Mr. Franken, he couldn't be more delighted: “Gee, I had no idea that either Bill O'Reilly or Rupert Murdoch liked me that much! Maybe I ought to send them some flowers or candy or something ...”

The editors of fine publications like The Scallion are wondering whether Fox and Mr. Murdoch will be equally generous with them after setting such a munificent precedent with Mr. Franken. One can only hope.

The 40th Anniversary Commemoration of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s “I have a dream” Speech

August 23, 2003. To commemorate the fortieth anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s historic civil rights march on Washington and “I have a dream” speech given from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C. on August 28, 1963, a civil rights rally was held—also on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. While many attendees complained that the rally could have been better organized and publicized, organizers of the rally declared it a resounding success: although the rally was called on June 18, 2003—leaving roughly sixty days to organize and publicize—attendance reached tens of thousands.

The Scallion's always webmeister and sometimes roving reporter, A.J., attended the rally and had this to say about it: “There were conflicting times and agendas depending on where you looked for information on the rally. Even the 'March On Washington' website didn't have the most complete, clear schedule. The Washington Post, which published four front-page articles on the rally, failed to publish a map in the days leading up to the rally. It also didn't help that groups like Move On failed to promote the rally, while Code Pink held Poor People march and encampment events that conflicted with the rally's morning teach-ins—although they at least joined up with the rally shortly before 3 p.m. The plethora of conflicting announcements and events really added to the confusion—a lot of people were aimlessly milling around the National Mall area all morning, trying to figure out where to go for what events.

“The good news is that all sources were very clear in stating that the star speakers, including Coretta Scott King and MLK III, would be speaking from 3 to 6 p.m. Because of that, I was deeply offended by Democratic Presidential candidate Howard Dean: he chose to poke his nose in at the rally precisely at 3 p.m.; he stayed just long enough to wave at the crowd when his name was announced; then, rather than really giving the rally its due, he scurried off to his own nearby rally, which he rudely scheduled for 4 p.m.—basically, he dissed the rally! At worst, he should have just skipped the rally instead of making a pretentious cameo; at best, he should have attended the rally and spoken—gotten his opinions out there for us to evaluate (remember, Dean was in favor of invading Iraq!). It would have been even better if we could have had Dennis Kucinich and other Democratic candidates there speaking, too.

“Be that as it may, the rally was interesting nonetheless. I personally saw C-SPAN cameras—since they were covering my part of the audience for much of the afternoon, I wouldn't be surprised if I did end up on television. There were other news services covering the event, too. But more interesting than the media were the speakers. I attended the civil liberties morning teach-in—there were more than one to choose from—and the bulk of the rally, and I heard a repeated theme that did my heart good: unity. Wisely, the speakers all acknowledged that civil rights, civil liberties, ending racism (including against Blacks, Latinos, and Muslims), women's rights, environmental conservation, public education, mass transit, and other issues of public welfare are not splinter groups—they all constitute the same battle for protection of the American public. And, since the Republicans are united in their pro-corporate causes, we on the left must be united in ours. We cannot afford to treat each issue as a special interest.

“I had some questions for speakers at the civil liberties teach-in, and I got some interesting answers. I asked how the average American can guard against having his or her vote stolen; one speaker suggested starting at the local elections board: contacting them, investigating how they guard against voting fraud, and escalating as needed from there. Other than that, there apparently is virtually no quality control. I also asked how we as average Americans can assist the people trapped in Guantanamo Bay; I was instructed to go to the A.N.S.W.E.R. Coalition website—something I plan to do, also because their speaker noted that A.N.S.W.E.R. is indeed trying to coalesce all the various groups, like Move On, Code Pink, Black Voices for Peace, and so on. But the most interesting suggestion was that each voter be given a form listing the various expenses of the federal government—including public education, Welfare, health care, the war on Iraq, the space program, etc.—and that the public be allowed to decide how to spend its tax dollars by marking percentages next to each. While I know that that suggestion is way too sensible and rational ever to be implemented, I think I'll e-mail it to Dennis Kucinich anyway ...”