Seemed Like a Nice Day When You Got up this Morning? These “Democracy Now!” Headlines Might Change Your Mind ...

* Environmentalists Protest Bush's Selection of Utah's Anti-Environment Governor Michael Leavitt as Head of EPA (http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=03/08/12/151224)

* The Bush White House Pressured the EPA Not to Warn Public about Adverse Health Effects in NYC Resulting from 9/11 Atacks (http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=03/08/12/155220)

* First Airing of Interview with Bush Biographer, J. H. Hatfield, Who Died Two Years Ago of Apparent Suicide Amid Controversy over Bush Biography “Fortunate Son” (http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=03/08/11/1447218)

* Bush Administration Propaganda in Iraq War (http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=03/08/08/1510227)

* Banana Republic of Florida's New Big Brother Surveillance System (http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=03/08/07/1427223)

* The Resurging Taliban: Repression of Women and Flourishing Afghan Drug Market (http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=03/08/07/1431259)

Letter to the Editor: Go Ahead, California—Make Our Day

August 11, 2003. The Republican-financed ploy to recall fairly-elected California Governor Gray Davis is more pivotal than many Americans realize. Many Americans are suspicious that Arnold Schwarzenneger has not only been bankrolled but also drafted by Republicans to run against Davis (nota bene: he originally stated that he would not enter the gubernatorial race). Some suspect that California's Lieutenant Governor Cruz Bustamante has also been covertly coerced and financially cajoled by Republicans into running against Governor Davis in hopes that Bustamente's candidacy would splinter California Democrats by siphoning Latino votes away from Davis. Perhaps the biggest news is the news itself: Schwarzenegger has been dubbed “frontrunner” by the vast majority of commercial media, proving once again that brand recognition is more important than qualifications in the field of politics ... or should we say “entertainment”?

The upshot of the recall:

1. While Democrat Davis has overseen rising statewide deficits, Republican George W. Bush has not only overseen but deliberately induced skyrocketing nationwide deficits. In fact, the Bush-induced deficits—aided and abetted by the shenanigans of Bush's Enron buddies as they manipulated and gouged California's energy market (gee, has Kenneth Lay ever been indicted yet?)—are largely responsible for Davis's predicament. The fact that they themselves are to blame has not yet stopped Republicans from blaming the problems they cause on hapless Democrats—don't hold your breath waiting for this hypocritical trend to change.

2. Some intelligent observers suggest that the best thing for Davis to do would be to step aside right now and pass the reins to Bustamente—the sacrifice of his ego would at least obviate the recall, definitively keeping California out of Republican hands. One hopes that, for the welfare of state and nation, he is at least considering this option.

3. The media's virtual Arnold-is-the-only-candidate coverage is tacitly and grossly unfair to the general public; however, it provides one useful service: it confirms the plutocracy of America's oligarchy. Americans will lose what's left of their democracy if they wait for others to step in and protect their rights instead of getting involved themselves—this includes demanding accountability of the media as well as fighting for a level playing field for all political candidates so that the rich and/or famous are not handed such a great de facto advantage over their less well known but perhaps far better qualified counterparts.

4. If Americans in general and Californians in particular manage to scrape up a minimum of two firing neurons among them, they will demand a debate among all the candidates, including Governor Davis. At the barest minimum, each candidate should be allowed five to ten minutes of air time to publicize his or her qualifications and position on the issues.

5. Even if Californians are foolhardy enough to elect actor Schwarzenegger to replace Governor Davis, it is not they alone who will suffer the consequences (although they would be able to rest assured that political neophyte Schwarzenegger would blithely say and do whatever neocon balderdash his handlers bid—what choice would he really have?). Indeed, the entire nation will take it on the chin. Why? Because California is an electoral college plum that, via this recall, Republicans are eying greedily. Imagine the advantage of a Republican California all primed and ready to support presidential pretender Bush's 2004 run for election, with a nice fat harvest of electoral votes ripe for the picking.

6. If that doesn't curdle your blood, then imagine Bush and his new bud Schwarzenegger standing arm in arm for photo ops on every campaign dais from coast to coast and sea to shining sea, ensuring a landslide victory for the chimp-in-chief (with help, of course, from the electoral college and ChoicePoint). If pretending to land a plane on a carrier has earned our illustrious bonehead-in-chief immortality as, of all things, a flight-gear-garbed action figure doll (check out http://www.ajc.com/news/content/news/0803/12bushdoll.html if you think I'm making this up), then will posing next to Schwarzenegger inspire an incarnation of DUHbaya as an 8” bodybuilder doll?

Americans, the outcome of this media circus recall may still be up to you. Whether you live in California or not, make your voice heard: demand debates. Don't let Schwarzenegger win just because he has big muscles (except, perhaps, for the one between his ears)—even if you have seen all his movies. Throughout the entire Bush regime so far, the Republicans have proven that they have only the best interests of the wealthy at heart—and, last time I looked, that didn't include the likes of you and me. Don't give up California without a fight—don't make it any easier for the fascists to take over your country. There will be hell to pay if you do.

The writer, Zoe Owens, is a Ph.D. philosopher and author of such introspectively religious books as “Jesus Holy Christ Almighty.”

While Catholic Church Attendance Drops, St. Ciggy's Packs 'Em in

August 10, 2003. In the continued fall-out from scandal and disillusionment with the Catholic Church, many parishes have watched their attendance—and bankrolls—plummet.

“Well, it's really been terrible,” parish priest Father O'Malley lamented. “Once all those boys started reporting all the molestations by priests, a lot of people just stopped coming on Sundays. And the ones who did come put a lot less money into the collection baskets. This year alone, the belt-tightening we've suffered has been appalling: while, of course, we've kept on our maid-servant—after slashing her already meager pay, of course—we haven't been able to buy a single new Cadillac, and we can't afford any shiny new solid gold candlesticks, altar accessories, or artwork, either. Yes, we in the Church are really sorry about all those boys coming forward. But I hate to think how much more fall-out there would have been if lay Catholics realized the extent of clergy sexual abuse—like how many adult women have been abused and later blamed for being molested as if they somehow invited it. If the media and the public really understood the extent of it all—including the abuses perpetrated by nuns—we'd be in much worse shape than we already are. The Catholic Church should be counting its blessings right now.”

But the picture is far less bleak in churches of other denominations. Possibly the finest example of a thriving, vital church is the Church of St. Ciggy, founded by the Most Reverend Nick O'Tine. While, thanks to the herculean efforts of zealous U.S. tobacco missionaries promulgating the faith at home and abroad, the Church of St. Ciggy is popular all around the world, its largest enclaves of followers tend to be clustered among poorer, less educated members of society. While the faith attracts some dilettantes who give it up after months, years, or decades of devout practice, a significant majority of adherents to the Church of St. Ciggy practice their religion from childhood to death. Many have proven themselves willing to give up their lives for St. Ciggy—even witnessing first-hand as their fellow acolytes sacrifice their lives for the faith does not deter these zealots from rigorous daily practice of the faith.

While Ciggites are free to practice their religion without restriction in most places around the world, the faith is not welcome everywhere. This is especially true the farther north one travels in the United States: followers of St. Ciggy rebel against rampant religious persecution in places like New York City. In America's southern climes, where the practice of locally approved religions is most encouraged and least restricted, St. Ciggy is universal: even heathen non-practitioners can't help but breathe the sanctified air of the Ciggites around them.

Perhaps it is unfortunate for religions like Catholicism that their followers are not as devoutly devoted as Ciggites and their brethren-in-faith, the Chawites and the now all-but-extinct sect of Snuffites. On the other hand, perhaps it is fortunate for Catholicism that it is not nearly as lethal as Ciggitism. Perhaps, as Father O'Malley remarked, the Catholic Church really should be counting its blessings right now.

Auto Insurance Industry Has Major Brainwave

August 8, 2003. In an unprecedented move, the American insurance industry lobbied the worldwide auto industry to make bumpers functional and standardize their heights on all motor vehicles from sportscars to SUVs—and won. But it is not only the insurance industry that wins: it is each and every person who gets behind the wheel of a car.

A spokesman for State Farm issued a statement to the press: “As everyone knows, the American insurance industry is a big, corrupt, criminal crock that exists solely to bilk hard-earned money from citizens while paying out as little as possible to settle claims. So, why should we stick our necks out and arm-twist the auto industry into doing something that makes every motor vehicle safer to drive? Because standardization serves the auto industry? Because improved safety saves lives? Because we care? Hell no—it's because it serves us, the insurance industry. End of story. If we make every bumper—from sportscar to sedan to SUV—the same height off the ground ... and if we standardize those bumpers so that they withstand a real impact—say at 30 miles per hour—then fewer people and cars get hurt; the ones that do get hurt less badly; and we legitimately get to pay out less money in insurance claims while collecting the same premiums we always do. Bottom line: more money for us. The carrot for the U.S. car makers is that they can declare what the standard is and work to it before letting the Japanese and other export car makers know what's going on. So—for a change—everybody wins. Even the average Joe-Sixpack citizen. Is that a lark, or what?!”

In response to this demand from the insurance industry, American automakers decided to up the ante. In addition to strengthening bumpers and standardizing their heights, U.S. car makers opted not only to improve gas mileage voluntarily to 30 miles per gallon minimum but also to standardize U.S. vehicles so that the gas cap is always located on the driver (left) side of the car.

U.S.A. Declares Itself “Freeloader Free” Zone

August 6, 2003. Today, in a stunning media announcement, America declared itself a “freeloader free” zone. Since all the intelligent working class people who used to live in America have since migrated to Unamerica upon its establishment, the announcement was not greeted with as much enthusiasm as expected: Unamerica, by definition, is already a happily freeloader-free zone. America, on the other hand, is so full of pampered, privileged classes who have never had to work for anything in their lives that the announcement was greeted more with dismay than welcome. In particular, George W. Bush threw a scratchy spitty hissy fit at the idea of actually having to, for once—for the first time in his life—start earning his keep for a change ... and work.