And now … our top story. We’ve reprinted Ms. vanden Heuvel’s article in its entirety from AlterNet (http://www.alternet.org/story/21248/) to give context to our additions to the right-wing lexicon. It is well worth perusing the AlterNet post because there are links to other items of interest (e.g., Bush's State of the Union address).
The Republican Dictionary
By Katrina vanden Heuvel, The Nation. Posted February 12, 2005.
While Republicans are busy remaking the nation, they're also remaking the English language.
In Bush's State of the Union address, he mentioned personal accounts seven times but private accounts zero times, which is interesting because only a few months ago he was using both terms interchangeably. But fear not, this was no mistake. The Republicans tested the phrase private accounts and found public support was much lower than when the same, exact, identical concept was called personal accounts. (Personally, I like caring accounts, but they didn't ask me.)
So the White House and its paid spin doctors, many of whom play journalists on TV, have taken to the airwaves to push the phrase personal accounts and chastise anyone in the media who employs the banished words to characterize the administration's Social Security agenda. Proof, if more was needed, that language is power and debates are won or lost based on definitions.
But here is the really funny thing about the personal/private accounts debate. Not only are they not personal accounts, they're not private accounts either. They are in fact U.S. government loans. (Bear with me now, because this will only hurt for a moment.) You see, your payroll taxes will still be used to cover the benefits of current retirees, but under Bush's scheme the government will place a certain "diverted" amount into an account in your name. It sounds like a personal retirement account, but it's not. It's a loan. Because if your account does really well (above 3 percent), when you retire the government will deduct the money it lent you (plus 3 percent interest) from your monthly Social Security check leaving you with almost the same amount you would have received under the current system. If your account does really poorly (below 3 percent), you are out of luck. According to Congressional Budget Office, the expected average return will be 3.3 percent, so the net gain will be zero.
But wait, it gets better. These personal accounts aren't exactly U.S. government loans either, because our government under the fiscal stewardship of George W. Bush no longer is running a surplus and therefore does not have the $4 trillion or so needed to cover the transition costs, and Bush refuses to raise taxes on his base (BUSH'S BASE, n. the wealthy).
So our government will have to borrow that cash. And if the last three years are any guide, our largest single loan officer will likely be the Central Bank of China. And who runs China's Central Bank, China, and the Chinese people with an iron fist? Why, it's our old friends, the democracy-loving, freedom-marching Chinese Communist Party. So Bush's personal retirement accounts=private retirement accounts=U.S. government loans=U.S. government borrowing=Chinese government lending=Chinese Communist Party loans.
Or as we like to say in Republican Dictionary land:
PERSONAL RETIREMENT ACCOUNTS, n. Chinese Communist Party loans.
We've had a grassroots groundswell of submissions from our readers after soliciting ideas for the Republican Dictionary project, which first debuted in this space last November.
Bush's "ownership society" was a big hit, "God" made a return, and Justin Rezzonico delivered the best definition of "Fox News" yet. I've included a sampling of the latest batch below. Please keep them coming in. (Click here to submit your ideas.) We are going to be collecting our favorites and publishing them as a book in the next few months.
ACCOUNTABILITY, n. Buck? What buck? (Martin Richard, Belgrade, Mont.)
BI-PARTISANSHIP, adj. When Democrats compromise. (Justin Rezzonico, Keene, N.H.)
CHECKS & BALANCES, pl. n. An antiquated concept of the Founding Fathers that impedes autocratic efficiency; see also REFORM. (Robert B. Fuld, Unionville, Conn.)
FOX NEWS, n. Faux news. (Justin Rezzonico, Keene, N.H.)
GOD, n. Senior presidential advisor. (Martin Richard, Belgrade, Mont.)
NONPARTISAN JUDICIAL NOMINEE, n. An active member of the Federalist Society. (Mark Hatch-Miller, Brooklyn, N.Y.)
OWNERSHIP SOCIETY, n. 1) A society where you're on your own. (John Read, Ownings Mills, Md.); 2) A society where one-half of society owns the other half. (Anne Galvan Klousia, Corvallis, Ore.); 3) The euphemism used by robber barons and their political lackeys to promote or justify the extreme concentration of wealth into the hands of a powerful few. Synonyms: PLUTOCRACY, CORPORATE FEUDALISM. (Ken Stump, Seattle, Wash.)
SOCIAL SECURITY, n. Broker security. (Bruce Clendenin, Dallas, Texas)
SPREADING PEACE, v. Pre-emptive war. (Bruce Hawkins, Silver Spring, Md.)
STAY THE COURSE, v. To relentlessly pursue a disastrous policy regardless of how far conditions deteriorate. Antonym: "To cut and run." (Aja Starke, New York, N.Y.)
TORTURER, n. 1) White House Counsel. 2) Attorney General. (Martin Richard, Belgrade, Mont.)
Katrina vanden Heuvel is editor of The Nation.
And now … for The Scallion’s additions to the Republican dictionary:
ABORTION, n. the evil and unforgivably individually selfish act of depriving the AMERICAN DEMOCRACY of an ECONOMICALLY-CONSCRIPTED foot-soldier. ABORTION is so evil, in fact, that the vengeful REPUBLICAN God will smite you just for reading this definition!
AFRICAN AMERICAN, n. politically-correct euphemism for a PEASANT of African descent who mistakenly thinks he or she is no longer owned by rich white men. The only difference between Honest Abe Lincoln’s time and George W. Bush’s time is that REPUBLICANS now own most of the non-WEALTHY white brothers and sisters, too -- the PEASANTS just don’t know it yet.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY, n. a form of government in which the unwilling are lead by the unknowing through a system of fake voting that ensures the installation into public office of men and women whose only principal is loyalty to their corporate overlords and RELIGIOUS voter bases. Includes IMPERIALISM and is synonymous with FASCISM.
CANNON FODDER, n. a PEASANT who nobly chooses to sacrifice his or her meaningless life to promote AMERICAN DEMOCRACY by fighting endless wars that will in no way improve life for him or her self or loved ones.
ECONOMIC CONSCRIPT, n. a PEASANT who has no other choice of self-support than to fight the endless wars (see SPREADING PEACE) required to support the demands of FASCISM and EMPIRE (see AMERICAN DEMOCRACY). It is such a great privilege to SPREAD PEACE for AMERICAN DEMOCRACY that ECONOMIC CONSCRIPTS are expected to do without trivial luxuries like body armor, hazard pay (or, indeed, living wages in any form), health care for their war-induced long-term mental or physical hardships, or anything else (see VETERANS’ BENEFITS). Synonymous with CANNON FODDER.
EXPORT VERSION OF AMERICAN DEMOCRACY, n. synonymous with FASCIST-FRIENDLY DICTATORSHIP, a form of government installed by AMERICAN DEMOCRACY to replace POPULAR DEMOCRACY wherever it is found.
EXPORT VERSION OF FREEDOM, n. Fool! There is no FREEDOM for you! See EXPORT VERSION OF AMERICAN DEMOCRACY.
FASCISM, n. a form of government lead by corporations to exploit PEASANTS all over the world and to wield state power to excuse themselves from all social, criminal, environmental, and financial liability. FASCISM is not sustainable over the long term, but this does not stop FASCISTS from getting it while they can because, as a form of government, FASCISM allows a remarkably small number of people to make themselves obscenely wealthy at everyone else’s expense.
FEMINIST, n. uppity WOMAN.
FREEDOM, n. in the reality of the AMERICAN DEMOCRACY, FREEDOM refers to the unfettered ability of rich white men to pursue extraordinary wealth by raping, pillaging, and exploiting the global environment and PEASANTS around the world. Many Americans mistake FREEDOM as the ability of ordinary citizens (PEASANTS) to pursue life, liberty, and happiness. Their ignorance in affairs such as these proves that they are not qualified to be trusted in matters such as electing officials to PUBLIC OFFICE.
HYPOCRITE, n. 1. an individual who says one thing and does the exact opposite; 2. George W. Bush, his administration, his RELIGIOUS supporters, and most everyone else associated with him. In fact, most if not all RELIGIOUS and REPUBLICANS fall into this category.
IMPERIALISM, n. a militaristic (and often FASCIST) government’s foreign policy that meets the following criteria: 1. might makes right; 2. desire (e.g., for your oil and other valuable natural resources) is 99% of the law; 3. what’s ours is ours, and what’s yours is ours; 4. anything that’s not nailed down is ours; 5. anything we can pry or shoot loose isn’t nailed down and therefore is also ours; and 6. we were just kidding -- everything really is ours … we were just funning with you by pretending there were other criteria.
JUSTICE, n. 1. a privilege bought and paid for by America’s rich white men that allows them to get away with larceny, rape, pillage, destruction, and murder in the course of making a buck by any means necessary; 2. the prison-industrial complex responsible for America’s proud tradition of systematically incarcerating AFRICAN AMERICANS, LATINOS, and other PEASANTS (especially the UPPITY ones).
LATINO, n. 1. fruit-picking PEASANT; 2. illegal immigrant.
MONEY, n. 1. that indescribable force which makes the world go round; 2. God (meaning the actual God worshipped by RELIGIOUS and REPUBLICANS as opposed to the mythical spiritual God that is carefully marketed and presented as the mercurial, vengeful old man with the long white beard that RELIGIOUS and REPUBLICANS use to frighten PEASANTS into submission).
PEASANT, n. an individual who falls outside the REPUBLICAN voter base (see WEALTHY). Considered to be stupid, exploitable, and expendable by the corporate overlords who run the AMERICAN DEMOCRACY.
POPULAR DEMOCRACY, n. a form of government in which the populace votes for its leaders using a system of free and fair voting in which all votes are counted accurately; leaders in this form of government are expected to represent the best interests of the populace. Americans often mistake AMERICAN DEMOCRACY for POPULAR DEMOCRACY -- at least up until the 2000 Presidential "election." Because POPULAR DEMOCRACY anywhere is a threat to FASCISM everywhere, AMERICAN DEMOCRACY seeks to exterminate POPULAR DEMOCRACY wherever it can find it (e.g., Haiti, Chile, Panama, etc.).
POVERTY, n. a crime committed by PEASANTS that is punishable by death. The REPUBLICAN motto states, “Let them eat cake” because they sure ain’t getting any bread from US.
PRESIDENTIAL ADVISOR, n. a political appointee responsible for making America’s first-ever puppet boy-king, George W. Bush, appear “presidential.” Considering Bush’s lifetime record of truancy, this is a tall order, especially as it includes creating several illusions: 1. Bush can read, write, and speak tolerably literate American English (as long as nobody compares Bush’s “English” to Prince Bandar’s); 2. Bush has at least one remaining vestige of primate intelligence not obliterated by cocaine and alcohol; and 3. Bush has some semblance of a soul. Perhaps the greatest illusion created by today’s crop of PRESIDENTIAL ADVISORS is that Bush is, in fact, President of the United States when we all know that it is America’s corporate overlords who own the society and who are therefore running the show (see FASCISM).
PRO-LIFE, adj. a term misapplied to RELIGIOUS and REPUBLICAN individuals whose sole priority is to enforce the occurrence of the birth event; after birth, both mother and child can eat cake. The majority of the resulting children are expected, nay desired, to grow up economically disadvantaged so they can enjoy the privilege of dying in the military (see PEASANT, CANNON FODDER, and ECONOMIC CONSCRIPT). Linguistically, “PRO-LIFE” implies opposition to a broad category of harmful things -- including war, guns in the home, smoking, pollution, abortion, euthanasia, obesity, junk food, and so on -- and support of life-saving things, including organ donation, scientifically-proven diet/exercise/medication regimes, etc. Because individuals who call themselves “PRO-LIFE” typically support wars and guns and are concerned solely with denying WOMEN access to ABORTION, a more accurate and descriptive term for them would be PRO-BIRTH.
PUBLIC OFFICE, n. a free-for-all opportunity for rich white men to practice graft, cronyism, and other forms of economic heroism to their greedy hearts’ content. The only necessary qualification to hold PUBLIC OFFICE is MONEY: the financial ability to buy, blackmail, bribe, and/or steal the position of interest.
RELIGIOUS, adj. an individual who proclaims the name of Christ while fomenting beliefs and taking actions that are diametrically opposed to the teachings of Christ. Synonymous with HYPOCRITE.
REPUBLICAN, n. God’s chosen political party duly blessed by Jesus Christ himself. Need we say more?
STATE-RUN, adj. politically-correct term for corporate-run, as in the federal government, the media, etc. See FASCISM.
THIEF, n. an individual who takes that which does not rightfully belong to him or her. THIEVERY qualifies as economic heroism when practiced by rich white men, regardless of whether the scale is local, national, or global; it qualifies as criminal behavior when practiced by PEASANTS.
UPPITY, adj. demanding that to which they are not entitled, namely, the same rights and opportunities as enjoyed by America’s rich white men. JUSTICE costs money, folks, and FREEDOM ain’t free. Like everything else in the AMERICAN DEMOCRACY, these are market commodities … and they don’t come cheap.
VETERANS’ BENEFITS, n. an inside joke with REPUBLICANS, proving that they can get away with the HYPOCRISY of praising the men and women who risk their lives for FASCISM (see SPREADING PEACE) while denying them all manner of financial support should they miraculously survive and return home. Synonymous with ZILCH.
WEALTHY, n. in this lexicon, the miniscule population of FASCIST, Bush-supporting, socially-irresponsible, morally-bankrupt THIEVES who will stop at nothing to make a buck, preferably while injuring someone else (preferably PEASANTS) -- in other words, economic heroes. Includes many if not all RELIGIOUS and REPUBLICANS.
WOMAN, n. 1. chattel; 2. baby factory; 3. inherently and biologically unworthy of enjoying the same rights and privileges as rich white men, non-rich non-white men, other humans, their dogs, or anything else for that matter. The inherent unworthiness of WOMEN to enjoy human rights is proven by the sheer numbers of WOMEN who willingly side with their rapists and executioners by voting REPUBLICAN. Q.E.D.
ZILCH, n. what all Americans outside the REPUBLICAN voter base (see PEASANTS) can expect to live on -- and retire on -- thanks to puppet boy-king George W. Bush and the American corporate overlords who installed him into office and act as his PRESIDENTIAL ADVISORS.
