The Scallion

Disclaimer: this online political & social satire webzine is not suitable for the decerebrate (translation: our illustrious bonehead, his benighted administration, neo-ultraconservative Republicans, rabid Catholics, sheep, or their sympathizers) or for readers under age 18. As satirists, we take no responsibility if what we say is dangerously close to the truth. If you're under 18, stop reading this NOW & go turn yourself in to your Mommy for a well-deserved spanking, you no-good little whelp.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

For more news you can use, remember to check out this short list of fine sources for news stories almost surely absent from the nation's mainstream commercial media:

http://www.democracynow.org/
http://www.alternet.org/
http://www.truthout.org/
http://www.jimhightower.com/ and the weblog http://hightower.fmp.com/weblog.php
http://www.prwatch.org/ and its archives http://www.prwatch.org/prwissues/index.html
http://gregpalast.com/

If you read no other news this week, please scan the headlines at Democracy Now! It's the best way for Real Americans (affectionately known as Unamericans) to defend themselves against Bush's pathologically compulsive bait-and-switch, closed-door politics of extreme hubris that, unfortunately, continue to thrive in 2004.

In addition to hoping that our Readers reached out to their respective communities on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, we of The Scallion would like to say a big “Ni hao” to our Chinese Readers: in the United States, tomorrow marks the beginning of the Chinese New Year 4701, the Year of the Monkey. Gong xi fa cai!

And now, for the week's top stories ...

So, How About Them Caucuses?

January 20, 2004. To the surprise of many, Massachusetts Senator John Kerry swept the Iowa caucus with 38% of the delegates. He was followed by North Carolina Senator John Edwards, who won 31% of Iowa's delegates, and predicted front-runner Vermont Governor Howard Dean, who won 18%. According to the Washington Post, caucus turn out was unusually high—roughly 122,000—double the turnout for 2000 but shy of the 1988 Democratic record.

However, caucus winners' and losers' percentages are not always what they seem. One issue confronting candidates is viability: a candidate must win at least 15% of the delegates in a given district to be considered viable in that district. Candidates who are not viable sacrifice their delegates. This leads to negotiation among candidates: will non-viable candidates' delegates switch their support to other candidates or join the pool of “undecided”? For example, because both men espouse similar beliefs, priorities, and platforms, Ohio Representative Dennis Kucinich, who left Iowa with a mere 1% of the delegates, had agreed with Senator Edwards that, if one of them were not viable, he would give the other his delegates.

While many in the media are trash-talking Dean for blaming the other candidates for attacking him, the Washington Post notes Dean's gracious acknowledgment that coming in third in Iowa is actually quite an honor. This is especially true because there are so many candidates for delegates to choose from.

Winning only 11% of Iowa's delegates, Representative Dick Gephardt dropped not only out of the race but also out of politics altogether, according to Democracy Now! Ambassador Carol Moseley-Braun dropped out of the race last week.

General Wesley Clark and Senator Lieberman chose not to compete in Iowa; it will be interesting to see how their participation shapes the remaining caucuses.

Brace yourself, New Hampshire—here they come!