The Scallion

Disclaimer: this online political & social satire webzine is not suitable for the decerebrate (translation: our illustrious bonehead, his benighted administration, neo-ultraconservative Republicans, rabid Catholics, sheep, or their sympathizers) or for readers under age 18. As satirists, we take no responsibility if what we say is dangerously close to the truth. If you're under 18, stop reading this NOW & go turn yourself in to your Mommy for a well-deserved spanking, you no-good little whelp.

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

Today's Highlights and Headlines from “Democracy Now!” ...

* Today's Top DN! Stories (http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=03/09/02/147219):
- T.V. Networks Lobby Congress NOT to Overturn FCC Media Expansion Ruling
- EPA Okays Sale of PCB-Contaminated Sites
- Bush Lobbies Supreme Court to Overturn California's Clean Air Law
- Welcome Back, Al Jazeera's English-Language Website
- Diebold Voting Machines—a Prominent Bush Campaign Contributor—Promise to Deliver Ohio's Electoral Votes to Bush in 2004
- Schwarzenegger Promises NOT to Show Up for California's First Recall Debate

* Senator Clinton and Representative Nadler Call for Investigation of White House Directives to EPA to Lie about 9/11 Health Impact in NYC (http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=03/08/28/1621200)

* Is Howard Dean Too Conservative—Too Middle of the Road—to Save America from the Neocons? (http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=03/08/28/1626201)

* Ahnold the Governator-Wannabe's Track Record of Sexual Assault, Womanizing, and Treating Women Like Pieces of Meat; Maria Shriver's Shared Views (http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=03/08/29/1417241) NOTE to Scallion Readers: if you have time to read nothing else this week, then PLEASE read THIS! (Someone with that much hatred and disrespect for others obviously thinks even more poorly of himself—is this the man California REALLY needs in the Governor's office?!??)

Monkey in the Middle: a Look at How Middle America is Screwed Whenever Either Extreme, Left or Right, is in Power

August 31, 2003. In America's current neoconservative political environment, it is easy to see how Middle America suffers. Lavish tax cuts for the rich don't equate to equally generous tax cuts for Middle America. The poor economy costs Middle Americans their jobs and their stock-market-driven college and retirement savings. This causes many Americans to work additional jobs—menial jobs, if they're lucky enough to find them—and/or put off a well-deserved retirement, often indefinitely. With the scarcity of jobs, a dollar just doesn't go as far, and those lucky enough to have jobs may find themselves dealing with employers who'd rather replace them or outsource than increase their salaries and/or benefits. And those Middle Americans who rely on public services, including public transportation, public schools, and others, find those institutions facing funding cuts. This equates to rate increases and service cuts-backs in public transportation. It also equates to reduced quality and neglected maintenance in public schools, which affects this and future generations. The remaining public services suffer as well.

When the extreme left is in control of American policy, the paradigm shifts. The goal most publicly criticized by Republicans is to redistribute wealth to the needy. This paradigm is liable to sap Middle America's resources as taxes are raised and—at worst—handed out to the poor without requiring recipients to work for a living. The hand-out-rather-than-hand-up approach creates a self-perpetuating vicious cycle of multiple Welfare generations that, despite the stated goals of the self-intended benefactors, serves only to keep the underclass permanently repressed. However, it is important to note that not all in the extreme left prefer hand-outs to hands-up. Many liberals would rather break the vicious cycle, despite Republican claims to the contrary.

Is one worse than the other?

The worst-case extreme left paradigm would reduce the spending power of Middle America and repress the underclass. At least, however, that underclass would have access to food, shelter, and other benevolent public institutions. Also, at least, the environment would be protected. This approach is far from ideal, but its heart is in the right place. Conversely, the worst-case extreme right paradigm is far more self-serving ... and far more dire for both Middle America and the underclass. In addition to reducing Middle America's spending power, the neoconservative wet dream du jour includes privatizing today's public institutions: everything from Welfare, Medicaid, Medicare, Social Security, public transportation, public education, and more. Privatization of these social safety nets would result in pricing them out of the reach of the whole underclass and many of the middle class. Imagine an America where children never learn to read or write because their families can't afford school: it could happen. Additionally, the neocons see the environment not as something to be protected, cherished, and stewarded for future generations but as something to be exploited—raped—and turned for a profit. The logical conclusion of the neocon agenda is an unabashedly fascist two-class system: the rich and those who serve them. In “Stupid White Men,” Michael Moore observed that economic meltdown serves America's super-rich by making it painfully obvious that this is THEIR pie: there isn't “enough” to go around, so Joe Average need not waste anybody's time trying to beg a slice for himself. Meanwhile, Joe Average thanks his lucky stars to have a job—any job, no matter how menial or low-paying. Aggravating this agenda is the aggressive neocon effort to suppress dissent and divest Americans of civil and human rights guaranteed by the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

Not a pretty picture. But are there any inherent controls in either of these extreme systems to rein them in before they do excessive damage to the social fabric of the country? In the case of the extreme left, there are indeed some limits. Leftism would dictate limits on the extreme right and on the extremely wealthy, thus circumscribing their power. There is also a great deal of squabbling and in-fighting among members and factions of the left that prevent a lockstep movement from running roughshod over the country. There is another important limit in effect, at least for the time being: America's extreme left still respects and honors Americans' right to vote and have those votes fairly counted. Conversely, the extreme right is taking concerted steps to deprive Americans who dissent with it of their right to vote (see Greg Palast's “The Best Democracy Money Can Buy,” Michael Moore's “Stupid White Men,” or Jim Hightower's “Thieves in High Places”). The Republican party has achieved a carrot-or-stick lockstep that, for an ostensible democracy, would have made Hitler weep with delight. The neoconservative kleptocracy that now rules the Unites States of America is an unobservable and uncontrollable system: unobservable gratis a thoroughly pussywhipped, cowed media (complemented by the administration's steady refusals to take responsibility for its actions); uncontrollable because the system refuses to receive any inputs it doesn't like. Worse: this nasty black box exists in a state of positive feedback—the more power the extreme right has, the more money it makes; the more money the extreme right has, the more power it buys. Coupled with the I'd-rather-make-$1-now-than-worry-about-consequences-later corporate mentality, this hedonistic system stands in danger of thrashing itself—and everything and everyone around it—to bits after the orgy as it hits the wall in a frenzy of irremediable shortages. (Sadly, it is not just America that would suffer—it is also the world: especially the poor areas of Africa, India, Mexico, and others supplying the U.S. with labor and exotic plant and raw materials in exchange for jobs, aid, and medicine.)

The bottom line is that the middle is not a safe place to be in America's current political environment. The longer that sanguine Middle Americans continue mistakenly to perceive themselves as members of the ruling class, the worse the outcome will be for all sub-multi-millionaire Americans.

Why the Religious Right Hates Harry Potter

August 28, 2003. There is something so archetypal about the Harry Potter reality—that there is more to life than our non-magical compatriots admit ... and fear—that the Christian right has been up in arms since the first Harry Potter book was published. In true-to-form fundamentalist intolerance, the Christian right has declared J.K. Rowling's popular books to be “evil” and “Satanic.” Heaven only knows what they're saying about Ms. Rowling herself.

Despite the obvious, oft-quoted Judeo-Christian Biblical passages about the evils of “suffering a witch to live” (does anyone know what exactly they meant by “witch,” anyway?), what is it that strikes angry terror into the hearts and minds of these self-righteous souls? Perhaps it's the nagging notion that, at some level, the Harry Potter-verse is to some extent true. Maybe human beings can't, for example, turn each other into newts with the wave of a wand (at least, not without years of meditation and New Age training in the occult arts) ... but perhaps humans are far more powerful than formal religion admits. Perhaps, if once-unquestioning followers began to understand and exercise their natural-born powers of mind over matter, they would begin to view their churches as predators, feeding on the congregation's feelings of guilt and inadequacy. Perhaps, then, as the threat of fire and brimstone ceased to frighten followers into submission, formalized religion would lose its coveted control over its now-mindful minions. This would put a lot of proselytizers out of a job.

But perhaps these fears are merely that—fears. Perhaps those who attend church value the formalized practices of their faiths and the power that comes from participating in a like-minded group. Perhaps, then, formalized religion could evolve into something that truly serves all the members and not just the ruling hierarchies.

Perhaps that is truly what they're afraid of.