The Scallion

Disclaimer: this online political & social satire webzine is not suitable for the decerebrate (translation: our illustrious bonehead, his benighted administration, neo-ultraconservative Republicans, rabid Catholics, sheep, or their sympathizers) or for readers under age 18. As satirists, we take no responsibility if what we say is dangerously close to the truth. If you're under 18, stop reading this NOW & go turn yourself in to your Mommy for a well-deserved spanking, you no-good little whelp.

Saturday, September 11, 2004

Although we of The Scallion are still officially on hiatus, we felt it would be timely to offer our typical dissent via our annual recognition of 9/11. Until we return, please remember to check out this short list of fine sources for news stories almost surely absent from the nation's mainstream commercial media:

http://www.democracynow.org/
http://www.alternet.org/
http://www.truthout.org/
http://www.jimhightower.com/ and the weblog http://hightower.fmp.com/weblog.php
http://www.prwatch.org/ and its archives http://www.prwatch.org/prwissues/index.html
http://gregpalast.com/
http://www.commondreams.org/

If you read no other news, be sure to scan the headlines at Democracy Now! It's the best way for Real Americans (affectionately known as Unamericans) to defend themselves against Bush's pathologically compulsive bait-and-switch, closed-door politics of extreme hubris that, unfortunately, continue to thrive in 2004.

As always, for news with a giggle, try this "official" website: http://www.whitehouse.org/

Happy reading; keep the faith; and keep fighting -- this is our country, and it is up to each of us to save it … and to rescue the embattled majority of average working class folks from the tyranny of the privileged minority of super-rich elitists.

But wait ...

Before we get to today's items, let us present a perspective piece from "The Exception to the Rulers: Exposing Oily Politicians, War Profiteers, and the Media that Love Them," a book by Amy Goodman of "Democracy Now!" with her brother David Goodman:

September 11 around the world

September 11 has now become synonymous with the tragic events of 2001. But for others around the world, this date evokes different images and memories of terror:

September 11, 1990, Guatemala. Guatemalan anthropologist Myrna Mack was murdered by the U.S.-backed military.

September 11, 1977, South Africa. Anti-apartheid leader Stephen Biko, unconscious on the floor of a police van after being beaten by police, was driven 1,000 kilometers to Pretoria, where he would die the following day.

September 11, 1973, Chile. President Salvador Allende, democratically elected leader of Chile, died in a CIA-backed military coup. (Editor’s note: recall that he was replaced by U.S. corporation-backed August Pinochet, who imposed a seventeen-year dictatorship that killed, tortured, jailed, and disappeared thousands of Chileans -- a time that is still remembered in Chile for its human rights abuses and terrorist atrocities.)

September 9-13, 1971, New York. The Attica prison uprising occurred, in which New York state troopers killed thirty-nine men and wounded eighty-eight others.

As Amy Goodman remarks in her book, backing despots, tyrants, and terrorists (or becoming them) in far-off places inevitably comes back to haunt us at home. And, as George Santayana said, those who forget history are doomed to repeat it.

Perhaps, come November, we will put someone into the White House who didn’t sleep through school and thus who remembers some of his history lessons.

A 9/11 Ad for John Kerry

We of The Scallion would like to turn on our TVs and see the following ad for John Kerry, featuring the narration below voiced over text and video of Dick Cheney's recent remarks that voting for Kerry could lead to future terrorist attacks:

"George Bush used the 9/11 terrorist attack to scare Americans into going to war against Iraq.

"Now, his campaign is trying to use the threat of possible future terrorist attacks to scare us into voting for Bush in November.

"Even George W. Bush himself admits that his administration can't protect America from terrorist attacks.

"If the Bush administration failed to protect us form 9/11 and admits that it can't protect us from future attacks, then is fear really a good enough reason to vote for George Bush?

"John Kerry believes that a go-it-alone foreign policy damages America's security. We cannot fight terrorism alone, without allies. John Kerry believes that America will be safer if we strengthen and increase our alliances and improve our national image abroad.

"Americans have a choice in November: vote for fear, or vote for hope.

"If you want to vote for hope, then vote for John Kerry for a stronger, safer America."

From the Chief Editor of The Scallion:
a Letter to CBS and 60 Minutes II
September 11, 2004

Sorry to say that I've lambasted CBS in the past for playing lap poodle to the Bush administration when the nation really needed accountability and debate. But, if one is willing to smack CBS upside the head when it falls down on the job, then one should also be willing to give out gold stars for jobs well done. Therefore, I am delighted to offer CBS, the staff of 60 Minutes II, and especially Dan Rather loud kudos for their reporting of George Bush's service lapses in the Texas Air National Guard.

I can't thank CBS enough for striving to present the truth to the American public during this crucial campaign season -- this is the sort and quality of information the public needs to vote wisely.

I have one last word for Dan Rather for sticking by his story: "Bravo!" Thank you for showing some integrity in journalism, and please continue to hold all of our politicians accountable through the election and beyond.

From the Chief Editor of The Scallion:
a Letter to the Creep ... er, Veep
September 11, 2004

To: vice.president@whitehouse.gov
Subject: The consequences of wrong choices in November

Dear Mr. Cheney:

I thoroughly enjoyed your remark that we would be hit by another terrorist attack if the American public makes the wrong choice in November and votes for John Kerry. But I was wondering what specifically you had in mind. Dirty nukes, maybe? After all, the punishment must suit the crime.

If, by some miracle, American voters overcome Swift boat smear, black box voting machines, and purged voter rolls to put Kerry into the White House, you will have to plan your move very carefully. I'm sure that, despite Americans' typically minute attention span, some people will definitely remember your threat, and they will be looking to string you up the minute something untoward happens.

Have a nice day!